McFAS (July 2007)

One of my children, who shall remain nameless, has recently had a flareup of a terrible illness. He has always had this chronic disease, but lately it has been unbearable. McFAS, or Middle Child Fairness Awareness Syndrome, is rearing it's ugly head in our lives. The tragedy of only spending one night at a friend's house has sent [said child] into a deep spiral of mother-hatred and McFAS. Yes, apparently spending 28 hours with your best friend is not enough. After an angry phone call, hanging up on his mother when he was denied the extra night, and refusing to shower when he returned home, our McFAS afflicted child is in the dumps. It couldn't be worse. ALL his other friends spend more than one night at other's houses. ALL his other friends have more fun. ALL his other friends have better toys and video games. ALL his other friends have pools or trampolines.
McFAS also causes unpleasant side-effects such as: uncontrollable pout, bottom lip swelling, eyebrow sink, downcast eyes, short temper, irrational anger towards parents, profuse whining, change in tastebuds (nothing tastes as good as it usually does), inaccurate comparisons, physical violence towards siblings, inability to get up on time in the morning, sometimes mumbling incoherently, and other times speaking at excessive volumes.
If you have two children and are thinking of a third- I beg you, consider the chances of McFAS--1 in 3 children are afflicted.
If you are a McFAS sufferer yourself, get help! Join a Life-isn't-Fair Support Group, or join a 12 Step Get-Over-It Program.
And, although rarely, McFAS can manifest itself in other children in the birth order. An occasional first-born has been known to be afflicted. But, don't confuse it with SRS, or Spoiled Rotten Syndrome, which often targets the youngest child in the family.