About that Age (May 2007)

It's a lovely Sunday afternoon. Seventy degrees, sunny, and we're getting ready to go visit Grandma and Grandpa. Church was uplifting, and all is right with the world. The boys run upstairs to change into shorts. Bren and Tobey come down and get in the car. Where is Ry? We call him, but he doesn't answer. I'll go help him, I say to Mike. I head upstairs, where Riley, who is sitting on Brennan's bed, is quickly shoving a piece of paper under the blanket. A very odd look is on his face. Not the "oh no I'm caught" look. Not the "I didn't mean to do it" look either. A sick, flustered, confused look.
What'cha doin? I ask. A quick "Sorry" was all he had to say. I pulled the paper out from under the blanket. A computer print out of a naked, well-endowed women was touching herself and smiling at me. Holy *&%$. As I felt my blood pressure rise and my head nearing explosion, I decided I better count to 10 and have a talk with Brennan. Good Sunday feelings, gone. Throwing up feelings, hello.
I brought the filth downstairs and showed Mike, who promptly started giggling. Not laughing, not a smile, but an outright giggle. "Well, I guess he's about that age". No- not my baby. So we sit Brennan on our bed and I rip into him. Apparently they got the photo from a friend of Brennan's. Apparently a foosball table may not be the best location for storing porn. No one should look at this crap, I tell him. To Mike's amusement I went as far as telling Brennan and Tobey that they will be able to see boobs and crotch only when they are married. Find a wife and then you can do whatever, I say. I made it clear that their 'privacy' does not really exist, and as long as they live in my house I will look wherever I want in their room. There will be no porn in my house. They can hide nothing from me. I even threw the Bible at them, going into detail about the sin of lusting after a woman. When asked about how they felt about the picture, it became clear that they were grossed out by the whole thing (much to my relief). Riley is ok with it, not too traumatized, also in the grossed out way of thinking.
Now that all my babies have poluted their minds, I am struggling. I still kiss and hug Brennan, and he cries when he gets hurt and needs me. Me. His mommy. The visual of him looking at that picture makes me sick. Riley sits on my lap and watches Clifford the Big Red Dog. He still calls me 'mommy'. Innocence lost, that's what it is. I knew it would come someday, but not like this. Oh well.
Brennan is grounded this week, and will be writing me a one-page essay on the importance of responsibility. Tobey is not going to talk about it to anyone, and Riley is not going to talk about it either. Especially not at the top of a slide. Not at school. Not anywhere.
And Mike keeps wondering now that he's married when he'll get to see...