10 Foot Parameter (May 2007)

Have you ever felt the urge to stand on the top the tallest slide on the playground and yell out something? Maybe "I love (insert name)!" or "Whoopeeeee!"?
Well, on Saturday afternoon at the ball park Riley climbed to the top of the slide and yelled out "I'm a @#$%ing idiot! Yeah!"
Why?
I don't know.
Probably the same reason he put chicken grease on his hands (see blog entry called "Yesterday").
What I do know is that a grandmotherly type lady walked up to Mike and told him she heard Ry yelling it over and over from the top of the slide. Unfortunately, Riley does know the "F" word. He used to just know it as "The F Word" (he didn't know the actual word). Alas, now it is clear that he knows the actual word and can use it in context. When Brennan was six he still thought Barney was cool.
We explained to Riley that when he yells things like that in public, people probably think his parents call him those names. We explained to him that verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse, and went as far as telling him that maybe someone would call the cops if they heard him talk like that. Of course, he's seen enough episodes of "Cops" to know that it would not be good if that happened. I can only imagine what visions of tazing, tackling, and pepper spraying he had in his head. Score one for "Tazed and Confused: Cops Special Edition".
Mike and I have been semi-faithful disciples of "Parenting With Love and Logic", a must-read for every parent. We have tried to create consequences that match the actions. We say things like "that's a bummer" and "that's too bad" when our children realize they made a bad choice. After some careful thought and a splitting headache, we came up with-- 10 foot parameter. Yes, a parameter. When we are outside of our house, Riley is confined in an imaginary 10 foot cage around Mike or I for the next week or so. We explained to him that we can't trust his choice of words, so he has to stay within earshot of us at all times, and we figure that's about ten feet.
Well, as you can imagine, he's not too happy with that.
I'm starting to wonder how happy I'll be with that... I'll be tethered to a boy who can't sit still and can't stop himself from talking...
"When I get out of this amiter I'm gonna run away!" he told me this evening. Also when he's out of my 'amiter' he's officially changing his name to "RJ", because he met a girl named Riley at the park. I wonder if that's what caused the top-of-the-slide comments... Nah.
Also, my 5th grader has informed me that have misused the word "parameter" and I should have used the word "perimeter". After looking both words up, I convinced him that "parameter" does in fact work, as it is a definition of a guideline. What I didn't tell him is that I think I should have used "perimeter", as it would have made more sense. He doesn't read this blog, so as long as no one talks, I'm still the expert :)