Overheard....

"Oh, he's a virgin."
"Look at her- she's definitely a virgin!"
"Heh- yeah"
"There's another one."
"Yup, virgin."
"He looks cool- I bet he's not a virgin."

After hearing enough, I alarmingly yelled "What are you talking about?"

Brennan and Tobey explained, after several uncomfortable seconds of silence, that they were watching people go by on the street and determining whether they were virgins or not.

"Do you know what that is?" I asked.

"I think it's a person who doesn't have a boyfriend or a girlfriend..." Tobey stammered.
Brennan just sat there with a smirk on his face. I suspect that he was in the know.

Of course, I had to explain what it meant. I'm sure I saw little whisps of innocence float away as I was talking.

Laid Off

I have laid myself off. As Chief Family Officer of the Aldrich Corporation, I have decided to hire a less experienced, cheaper work force: Brennan, Tobey, Riley, and Mike. After several months of a gradual decline in employee participation, I began to realize that the larger burden of work was being done by me, myself, and I.
It was a Sunday after church when we entered our headquarters, only to find things in complete disarray. The current staff just couldn't keep up. So, after quite a rant and a dramatic resignation, I began to divide up my many duties among the less-than-eager laborers.
So far the new workers are shocked and slightly angered to find that they have almost no free time, and it seems like everytime they sit to watch television there is something more to do. Apparently, laundry requires a human presence in order to transfer it from the washer to the dryer- who knew? It has also become clear that when you leave toys, shoes, and other items on the floor, you can actually trip and injure yourself! My current workforce does require a lot of direction: it seems as if they have to literally trip over something before they pick it up.
I plan on re-instating my position as CFO this upcoming Sunday. My hope is that my workers will realize exactly how much work needs to be done in order to maintain our current system of living. My fear is that by the end of the week, the only sanity left in the house will be with the dog.