The Truth about Honey

Honey does not make good web fluid.
A Spiderman action figure, when tied to a piece of gift wrapping ribbon and coated in honey, will not stick to walls.
The honey will.
Honey is really hard to clean off of carpet and wood floors and shirts and pillows and curtains and tall lamps.
When your mom and dad leave the house, and you play with honey, you get in big trouble when they get home and sit in it.
When honey sticks to your butt, and then you go sit somewhere else, the honey sticks there, too.
Even if you try to destroy the evidence, you mom might still find Spiderman's head under the dining room table.
Honey is not a toy... if you write that 50 times you will realize that.

Just for Fun

Here are some comments, questions, and interesting situations from the last couple weeks, along with our fantastic parental responses.

Driving on 96 by the Kent County Jail, and Riley yells out “Wow! Look at all those stolen cars!” We explain that those are not stolen cars, it is the employee parking lot. I tell him not everyone in jail has stolen a car, to which he replies “What else do they do to get in jail?” I reply “You know, we've watched Cops” not wanting to have to go into detail. “Oh yeah”, he says, “Coke, beer, a pot, and then there’s the drugs.” To which I reply “Oh, look at that cloud- it looks like a train!” Subject change: success.

I download a new Christmas album, which prompts Riley to ask everyone we meet for two days “Do you have Christmas X?” (just say it out loud, quickly) And I, rather embarrassed, have to repeatedly explain that the name of the album is X Christmas, not Christmas X.

My earring goes in the garbage disposal and is stuck. No one confesses. Since I just took the disposal apart last week to fish out a stuck quarter, I know that the inside of the mechanism is filled with #$%& and I say goodbye to my earring. If you’ve ever fixed a disposal you know what I mean.

There are no Phillips head screwdrivers left in our house. No one knows where they are. When I say “Maybe the screwdriver stealing troll took them all”, Riley nods his head up and down and says very seriously “Yeah, I bet that’s it.” I'm also looking for the scotch tape.

Riley wants to Google Pink’s husband to find out where he went. Really. In the song “So What” by Pink, she sings “I guess I just lost my husband, I don’t know where he went” and Riley thought we could Google it and figure out what happened. His first issue of People Magazine is in the mail. (kidding!)

Recently, after viewing the video “Thriller”, Riley was shocked to discover that Michael Jackson is black. We laughed pretty hard over that one.

Parents of the Year Award

And the winners are...
Mike & Lisa Aldrich!
For their brilliant choice to bring their seven year old son to the "Forest of Fear"!
For exposing their semi-innocent son (who thinks Scooby Doo is scary) to characters like Jason and men with chainsaws!
For dragging him through the forest, saying "It's ok- it's probably almost over"!
For prying his hands off his ears and eyes to show him that the characters are just people dressed up!
For making his brothers go first into scary rooms, so that Riley could see how safe it was!
For laughing uncontrollably while he cried!

Comments from Riley about the Forest of Fear:
"It's not at all like Lord of the Rings... Lord of the Rings was scary but it had drama. The Forest didn't have drama."
"I can't even look at any woods now without feeling like I'm gonna pee my pants."
"I don't want to go there ever again."
"Can I sleep in your bed tonight?"